If Mr. Cizik had his way . . . ?

Mr. Cizik, formerly of the National Association of Evangelicals, believes that Christians should be more receptive to the idea of giving out contraceptives to avoid unwanted pregnancies, i.e. we should give teenagers birth control. I wonder how many Christian parents will take him up on that? I can only imagine the conversation . . .

(Dad is sitting on the couch watching TV. His daughter comes down the stairs looking all dressed up): So, I hear you’re going out on a date tonight?

Daughter (smiling): Yep. Going out with Brad.

Dad (eyebrow raised): Brad again, huh? This is the fifth time you've gone out with him by my count. Must be serious . . .

Daughter (looking a bit embarrassed): Stop, dad. He's nice, I guess . . .

(Dad gets up and reaches into his wallet): Well, I’ve been meaning to give you this and now is as good a time as any. Here you go.

Daughter (drawing back): Dad! What are you, crazy? That's a condom!

Dad: I just want my princess to be safe.

Daughter (mouth agape) Why in the . . . what is mom going to say?

Dad: We talked about it. She’s totally rad with it.

Daughter: Dad, no one says “rad” anymore and, more importantly, you and mom said it’s wrong to have sex outside of marriage.

Dad: Oh, we say lots of things, honey. And don’t be naïve - everybody your age is doing it.

Daughter: I’m not! And what about the Bible? The Bible says . . .

Dad (holding up a hand): Hey, I’m all for the Bible. I’ve learned so much about how the government should care for poor people, that we should protect the environment from global warming, practice tolerance. And your ideals, however dated, are really great. But when you do have sex, at least you’ll be protecting yourself against [he shudders] an unwanted pregnancy. God certainly doesn't want that. So just hang on to this for me, will you?

Daughter: (confused)

(He reaches back into his wallet): Look, even -I- carry a condom when I go on business trips.

Daughter (lip quivering): Why in the world would you do that?!

Dad: Well, your mom and I talked and we decided if temptation came calling, that it would be better for me to protect myself against the risk of HIV. It's just common sense. And we all know that having an affair is pretty much inevitable for married couples these days. Even your mom carries a condom around in her pocketbook.

Daughter (staring blankly):

Dad: Well, I’m glad we had this little talk. I think I hear Brad driving up. Now you two go have fun!!