Five Ways to Prove You're a Hip, Retro, Non-Conformist Evangelical

There is nothing worse nowadays than being seen as part of some organized religious group. People today want to stand out from the crowd, develop their own opinions, which probably explains why there are so many people with stupid blogs. (clearing throat)

But it's even worse if you're lumped in with Evangelicals. That's a death wish right there. People make fun of you. Not to your face, granted but . . . um, . . . well, you hear stuff on T.V. Like on the Bravo network. I'm sure they probably said something bad about us at one point. And there was that "Crazy Christians" episode on "Studio 60." (Oh ya, we never forget). Plus, you have to worry about people thinking you have some sort of man-crush on Pat Robertson. Yet, despite these misgivings, you aren't willing to leave the fold. You want your independence, or at least the chance to prove how very unique you are.

Well, here are a few tips to help you prove to your buddies that you aren't a regular old, dyed-in-the wool, Evangelical:

1. Constantly remind everyone that your all-time favorite book is Mark Knoll's "Scandal of the Evangelical Mind." (Actually, that's all you need to do, but I included four other tips just in case).

2. Be critical of Francis Schaeffer. That's like totally cool nowadays. Plus he's dead, so he can't respond. If you need extra shock and awe, follow the lead of "Chris," an obviously brilliant, up and coming 23-year old scholar who dismissed Schaeffer's work "He is There and He is Not Silent" as "too didactic." Wow. I had to look that one up. So you will your friends, most likely.

3. Anytime your one-issue Evangelical friends talk about abortion, emphasize that we need to also support "creation-care." For those of you that don't know what "creation-care" is, it's basically secular environmentalism plus some prayer and Bible verses. (Hat tip)

4. Come election-time, always remind people that God isn't a Republican. Because we really need to hear that one. Also, pepper your vocabulary with terms like "speaking truth to power" and "social justice."

5. Say you're a big fan of Tony Campolo.